Selfie of Girl
a poemthing from 2018, a year I keep revisiting in my mind
content note: death and grief
Selfie of Girl with shoulder-length curls, dark brown or black with it’s ends turned green. Girl wears grey sweater. Glasses two sizes too big, don’t fit. Eyes look ahead. Girl smirks. Selfie of Girl as note to self. Selfie of Girl with sunlight streaking the face, neck, torso. Girl wears frown. Eyes closed. Selfie of Girl as manifestation of internet selves. Selfie of Girl with small white dog sprawled on floor. Girl smiles, small. Eyes look off. Selfie of Girl as yearning for better selves. Selfie of Girl as survival tactic. Selfie of Girl as latent narcissism. Selfie of Girl with ‘ONE WAY’ street sign. Girl has cropped purple hair, wears denim shorts, sandals with glitter. Eyes slightly open. Girl smirks into camera. Selfie of Girl as yellow moth baking on concrete. Dead. Selfie of Girl as fuck you/fuck off/fuck me. Selfie of Girl in elastic bra. Mouth closed, mostly. Tight jaw. Eyes look down, slit into camera, sad. Selfie of Girl as reminder of face, recalibrater of body. Selfie of Girl with shaved head. Red eye makeup lines lower eyelid to ear. Index finger covers mouth in shhh-motion. Eyes look dead into camera. Selfie of Girl as documentation of being alive, once. Selfie as life line. Selfie of Girl’s right ear, jaw line, neck, right collarbone. Waffle shirt in Oatmeal, unbuttoned. No eyes or mouth
I feel urged to write an essay or two about this poem and my ever-shifting gender and what Girl is/was to me… but for now, this is all I have the energy to share. If this moves you please tell me about it! And if you have some change to spare consider becoming a paid subscriber or sending funds to my ko-fi to support my living expenses.
xoxo,
Sarena